Took Jokes

I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.

my mum said take out the trash so I took my sister

So my girlfriend left me i took her weelchair and she came back crawling back

Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?" Mommy xays, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play" A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter. Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so l she l took the sissors and cut them off."

Why was the asian late to class

His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook

what happened when the Cheetah took to many baths? He became spotless!!!

Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-

Dad and Mom: we don't want him

Orphan: And I took that, Personally-

A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."

You mamy is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas and it’s still downloading

so i took a poop out side when i was done i wiped and got it on my finger after that i had nutella and i thought the poop on my hand was nutella and i licked it i said daddy chill what in the heck is this crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guess how i got away from my mom saying i can't play fortnite, i took my stuff and I ran to Iran

I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution but, when I got there they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you Penaldo!

(True story) Today I was bring some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “oh, now they’re broken.” And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”

My fish died and i didnt do anything i just took my fish for a walk

My bother apparently has this thing called "asthma", anyways I took his vape away today and he was lying on the floor gasping for air lol. He must really be addicted to it.

Me to bully: You are so fat that when the satellite took the picture you were considered as an island. Bully:(Speechless)

My bff asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?" I said: "Why?" My bff says: "Well its because he was already cheating." I said: "KNEW IT!"

What happened when the teacher tied all the students shoe lases together?

They took a class trip.

I took an uber home the other day, and the basterd was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said "who the fuck taught you to drive"... To this he replied "Stevie Wonder".