Took jokes

I left Twitter for a while, and when I tried to log back in, I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter.

Sadly, my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt. Shame on you, Penaldo!

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?

My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.

Science took us to the moon, and religion took us into a skyscraper.

Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.

I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

Donald Trump took the bullet better than Joe Biden took the stairs.

My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!

Today, I had an exam in school. When I was done, I raised my hand and yelled, “Pisstiano Penaldo!”

My teacher smiled and took my paper. She knew I was finished.

Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.

Yo mama so fat it took her 3 seconds to cross the Great Wall of China.

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

What did Cinderella do when she got the ball?

She gagged and took it like a champ.

So this is how I got divorced.

On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!

A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her.

A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.