why are half the orphans missing? because i took them ofc! :]
Your hairline so far back it took a trip to America
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills and now they have a son.
A woman went out on a date and said “I’m thirty one with the body of a sixteen year old” the man responded “wanna show me?😏” the woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “take a look”
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
Yo mama is so fat it took Nation Wide 15 years to get on her side.
the emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the oreos
Who reads the fastest? The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers, He took out 83 stories in one go.
Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant. Dirty bastards.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging. -- Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. 😉😏
I bet China can be the best baseball team. They took out the entire world with just a bat.
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man do I love being a sniper.
my suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? -- He took a day off.
