Took Jokes

Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? -- He took a day off.

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point. The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now 😐

My gf dumped me so I took her wheel chair

Guess who came crawling back

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat. She said nothing, so I took her to Africa

You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize when I did it hit me like a plane

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school and the teacher replies "are you that same person who took Jimmy?" the man replies "yes" and the teacher says "Take susie too she's being a little bitch."

whoever took my anti-depressent pills

I hope your fucking happy

I was beefin wit a dude and a wheel chair so I took his wheel chair and threw it across the street and told him walk it off u will be fine

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said Chinese food, so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said Indian, so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

Q: Why did the chef get fired? A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!

In 2016, Americans took Orange is the new Black to a whole other level

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

I took an hour long shower, the german officers were looking at me kinda scared.

Jesus took bread and said: "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said: "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise and Peter said: "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"

Yo mamma is so ugly when she took a bath the water jumped out.

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.

But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own

I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that i saw pristiano penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon