New Told Jokes - Page 22 - Worst Jokes Ever

My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.

My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"

A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"

A blind woman told her husband someone is coming ,he asks how do know you cant see .she replies ,i can taste it.

One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.

Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"

My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that grandma's ashes was sugar.

I got detention yesterday because I told the emo kid to "Hang in there."

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um

rape: the only crime where you have to tell the victim they couldnt do anything even if they could run or say something, then after are told rapists stop them doing something about it.

My friends were the pilots on 9/11, they told me, "Bro, chill, it's just a prank!"

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.

Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

one day i caught my sister talking to my girlfriend and she said "you never told me your Lesbian" and i said "no,not at all" my girlfriend ask "why did you not tell her" and i said " because every time i bring a girl home i hear to much noise in her room and i never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash" and she said "yeah,the trash is her junk"

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”