You're so ugly the densest told you to lay face down.
Told Jokes
I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
What is an orphan’s least favorite movie?
"Spider-Man," because it told them there was no way home.
My mom told me to be positive...
I was heading to an HIV test.
My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.
I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!
"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.
He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
