What do you say when the toilet is clogged?
Oh shit!
Who do you ask to wipe you? Your butler!
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
How is toilet paper recycled?
Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.
Amber Heard morning schedule:
- Wake up - Eat breakfast - Take a shit - Get out of bed - Shower
When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."
How to surprise a blind man: put a plunger in the toilet!
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!
When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.
This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).
Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
When you're Russian to the bathroom, and when you're finished you're from Finland, what are you when you are IN the bathroom?
European.
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.
Why did the poop cross the street? Because it was trying to get in the toilet.
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
I went, I saw, I poop at hole. I make a portal.
No more toilet paper jokes, please.
