Toilet jokes

You dropped your toilet paper, right? You want to pick it up, but you can't because you have poop in your butt and it scwoshd! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

Wanna hear a poop joke?

Nah, they always stink.

When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.

I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.

My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.

I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.

You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!

What do Cavemen poop in?

A Neander stall.

If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?

🤔 What do Polish people 🇵🇱 🇵🇱 🇵🇱 in Poland do with 📰 📰 📰 📰 newspapers 📰 📰 📰 📰 after they are done reading them?

Use them for toilet paper. 🧻 🧻 🧻 🧻 😆 😄

I went, I saw, I poop at hole. I make a portal.

Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.

Toilet paper: Ya, right.

If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

What did the spectator miss when going to the toilet?

The entire English innings.

Knock knock. Who is there? Poo. Poo who? Hey, I need ta go poooooooooooop!

Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.

Me: "Hey, you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong."

Trashy pig woman: "Why?"

Because you smell like fart, and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.

What's so funny about toilet paper? The toilet aspect!

You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.