Toilet jokes
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
How does a blind person wipe their ass?
With braille toilet paper.
What is the weirdest thing to wear and what is the weirdest thing to say?
Weirdest thing to ware: Socks with sandals, also with flip flops!
Weirdest thing to say: "Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?" "The blue angel sea slug looks like an alien." (weird).
Bonus: Things to ware with other things: Crop top with t-shirt (really hip), Crop top with tights or shorts, dresses with tights! (Cool) Oh well byeeeeeee!
Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.
Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
The pirate looked down the toilet, and what did he see?
The captain's log.
We spend the weekend getting the poop out!
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
What do you call a Spanish toilet?
Elton John.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck a plunger down the toilet.
Why did oozy go to the toilet to eat trains?
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
Why does the Queen play poker on the toilet?
Because she always gets a Royal flush!
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
What did the spectator miss when going to the toilet?
The entire English innings.
What kind of shit does a ghost take every time? A spooky dookie!
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?
Guilty or not guilty?
Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.
A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...