Gwen do u have to be so happy all the time? Even u don't get the joke!
Gwen, let's chat at night for about 1 hour! I want to get to know each other better!
P.S., it's Jake.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
"Where are you? [Because you] make me wanna throw up every time I see you."
The time I saw u and you ask me to be your friend me: yeah..no your to ugly even your parents never loved u kid: ðŸ˜
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:
Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.
Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?
Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.
Alright ALYA and drew ALYA's boyfriend!! Have a good fucking life, I hardly even think drew is real but uk whatever I've passed on but DREW if u fucking wanna beef, I'll fight u bro, ur prob a stick, I'm fucking doing push ups 4 times a week 100 each.
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
To RANDYYYY,
Hi Randy, this is ALYA. I don't want to fight with you. If you're an orphan and you do know about your past, you probably get sad, right? Well, these jokes just bring up the bad times for me.
-ALYA with love
Ok, i found this off of an internet meme, this isnt original:
*grabbing kid* Harambe: ok kid, i dont have much time, but obama's last name is- *gunshot*
When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?
Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Everybody was kung flu dying.
It traveled as fast as lightning.
2020 was expert timing.
In fact, it was a little bit frightening.
1 hour challengeeee.
If Emma feel had a penny every time someone gave her header she she would have enough to make Mark Zuckerberg and trump her third legged bitch.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
