Time jokes

I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.

The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

The other day a squirrel asked me for a job. I asked him, "What jobs did you have previously?"

Calmly he answered, "I am a pilot. I can pick it up from here and pile it over there. I also can fly a sign!"

"Too bad, this is a nut cannery, and we're 100% automated. We don't need anyone at this time, sorry."

"No worries, I'm totally nuts anyway. Guess I'll fly a sign across town, don't have bus fare!"

So my sis thinks she's so smart. She said, "You can finish this move ten minutes later. Go to sleep."

What is a neonatal's first time in the world?

Updated - Grad 2020 Commencement Groupings.

Updated - Grad 2020 Commencement Schedule.pdf

Dear Grad Parents, Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear. There will be more information to follow in the coming days. Thank you.

(Shared from the "Wolves E-genda" app.)

Have a great year!

🚘 What is as old as the earth 🌎 and new every month? The moon.

An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"

Have a good summer!

Have a great day today!

Old people all ways get in the way some times don't they all ways to sloow when they are in front of you and make silly exsgouses dont they it is some times beyond a joke ! Lol

Q: What's the first day of the week in outer space?

A: Moonday!

Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.

Do I do the same for dinner tomorrow morning for you?

My parents gave me a blowjob. It was a blowtastic time!

What time do butts get up? At the crack of dawn!!!

Your forehead [is] so big [that] every time you shout, your forehead starts pulsing.

The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.