Throw jokes
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
What happens when you throw water on Stephen Hawking?
He says, "Oh fuck fuck fuck!"
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
Why can't gay people play Baseball? They can't throw the ball straight.
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.