A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."
The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Throw a brick in its mouth.
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.
The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
How do you confuse a ginger?
Throw a cross at them.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Yo mama so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.
Chuck Norris threw one Pokéball and caught 'em all.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
