I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
I thought i had the best kd ratio in my fighter jet on battlefield then i heard about Mohammed atta
Yo mama so stupid she made Patrick run away because he thought it was contagious 🤣
An orphan saw A tornado and he thought he saw his mom but then he realized it was a corpse and said hi Dad
A dog found a bone then he was walking happily across to street and he saw a bridge he dicided to walk on the bridge he saw his reflection and thought It was another dog then he barked at him and the bone fell in the river the dog said what a fool I have been and walked away
GWEN HI THIS IS WELL I AM NOT SAYING ARE YOU A GIRL I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GIRL BUT I COULD BE WRONG
People at school thought I had special powers. It was something called "Constant super-vision".
Roses are red violets are blue i thought voldemort was ugly but then i met you.
Hey I ask for a paper but I thought it was a cut but turns out it was tearable
person with wheelchair makes a joke * no one laughs*
inner thought * wheely Manerva wheely*
I feel bad for cumming on my turtle
Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
i beat up a failed musician until he started crying. i thought a few hits would cheer him up!
Yo momma so dumb that she thought Auradon was in Varian And The Seven Kingdoms
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on EBay, The Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian why do think that I said the teacher replied because you're reading from Right to Left
is it me or was 9/11 too plane i thought it would be more exciting
Yo mama so stupid she thought Sodapop Curtis was actual soda.
The short kid came earlier than i thought , Guess he came with such short notice
I thought you played football cause you’re hairline receiving
