Thought jokes

Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.

Quote of the day:

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]

My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.

Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.

Yo mama so fat, when she was wearing black by a bank which was getting robbed, they thought, "AHH SWAT!"

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”

Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.

Your daddy's so fat, he tripped over a rock. He thought it was a chip.

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.

If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?

Therianarchy!

I thought the Sahara was the largest desert until I saw your forehead.

"We can't go under... We can't go over... Oh no, we got to go through it!"

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that’s just nuts.

Who wants to laugh about life with me?