Thought jokes

If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?

Therianarchy!

I thought the Sahara was the largest desert until I saw your forehead.

"We can't go under... We can't go over... Oh no, we got to go through it!"

I was at a My Chemical Romance meet and greet that Gerard didn’t attend, I just thought... “NO WAY!”

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

Your daddy's so fat, he tripped over a rock. He thought it was a chip.

Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.

Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that’s just nuts.

Who wants to laugh about life with me?

Yo mama so stupid she thought seaweed was something fish smoke.

Try to make a joke, but not about yourself.

Well, I have nothing.

Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?

She thought it was diet coke.

Your forehead is so big, explorers mistakenly thought it was Mount Everest.

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.

Yo mama so ugly when she played Five Nights at Freddy's, they thought that she was already in an animatronic costume.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."