This jokes

Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.

To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.

READ THIS OUT LOUD:

This is this cat.

This is is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is a busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat this is seconds cat.

NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!

Dad: Oh, OK!

2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.

Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?

Son: I do...

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.

Why was Stephen Hawking always like this 🫠?

Because he didn’t have emojis on his computer.

ATTENTION EVERYBODY: I am the owner of this website, and I will be deleting it in 5 hours. Thank you everybody who has participated in this website's life. Goodbye!

What show do gay men watch?

"2 and a Half Men!"

Lol at this one fellas!

Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.

Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol

Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!

Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!

Can watersharky and Gwen comment on this? I need to talk to you guys.

Hey, how ya doin'?

Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.

Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.

Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.

My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:

Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!

No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.

Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.

WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!

Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together we can stop this shit."

There are two types of faces:

The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.

Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.

She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”

The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”

The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”