This jokes

I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."

The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.

He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

I told this man to rev his vehicle.

Didn't know wheelchairs can't rev.

Don’t like this post, or else I will go to your house and eat you! 😈

I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.

Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.

Imagine this whole “Dr. Strange jokes” is just full of people simping over him.

Couldn’t Be Me.

I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

Bro, this guy's hairline I saw the other day was nowhere to be seen.

9/10/01

Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”

A priest, a rabbi, and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.

It worked really well in my local hospital.

What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?

"What does this button do...?"

My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?

A: To find his dad.

This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣

This is fucked up, my name is Shaylie.

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.