Think jokes
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.
If you think your life is bad, then people are discussing the gender of Mr. Potato Head.
I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.
Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.
I think she was pulling my leg.
Like if you think I'm stupid.
You have thin feet that people think you were a duck.
Eugenics is Hitler-like and, more importantly, feminist thinking.
I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.
You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.
Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
Why was the noble gas not emo?
Because they were thinking RIGHT.
You could think that some orphans are gay.
But think, would they be home-osexual? 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.
I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."