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Think jokes

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.

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    • Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."

    The new pandemic is feminism and all kinds of democratic thinking. COVID is a joke compared to these nasty ass diseases.

    My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

    I told him, "Probably a bullet."

    Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

    Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

    Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

    Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him.

    I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!

    True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.

    (Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)

    Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

    (Like if you hate feminists.)

    Why are orphans so sad?

    Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."

    I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.

    "I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."

    "What type of book is it?"

    "An autobiography."