Things jokes

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."

What's a man's favorite thing that starts with "m" and ends with "arriage?"

Miscarriage.

You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?

Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.

What do you call an ugly, grey thing?

Cinderelephant!

How did the air beat me at chess? It did that thing, haha!

Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?

Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.

Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:

"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣

Okay, when I leave for ONE DAY something happens like people being sexist and men saying that women are weak (Which is Not True), AND rape. I hate hearing and really saying the word. Just stop with all this nonsense. I say rape and sexist and woman assault jokes should not be allowed. They are too cruel and mean to women. Most men are weaker than women. So don't anyone make anymore things or "jokes" about rape. Women are strong and don't be mean to them.

Sincerely, watersharky (How did I not misspell????)

No such thing as peados.... it’s all nonce-sense!

What does the ocean do to its friends?

It waves.

(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)

How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?

Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

Hey, what are those things on your arms? They look like cuts. Wait, what? No, it's just marker. Nothing else...

What's a cow's favorite thing?

A mooooovie.

What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?

Party crashers.

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.