Thing jokes
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".
SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.
WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
What’s the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slicker hair back she looks 15.
What is the best thing about being back?
Free bullets.
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.
Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.
Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.
I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.
Maybe I'm just too old at this point.