They're jokes
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
Can you believe they're still together after everything they've been through?
Who you might ask...
YOUR ASS CHEEKS!
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
Me: The man sleeped in a $200 bed in His hole life so why dose he need a $2,000 coffin?
My friend: They're cheaper at Costco.
Me: Oh shit, you're going to have "fun" this weekend.
Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.
If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.
Why do science jokes usually get no reaction?
Because they're so boron!
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.
Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?
A: Because they're retired!
Stop making moo jokes, they're so annoying!
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
Why can't cheetahs play any games?
Because they're cheetahs!
Short people tend to get angry easily...
'Cause they're so close to the ground, their anger doesn't dissipate easily...
Girl: Can we visit Grandma this weekend?
Mother: Sure.
Five-year-old: Look mommy! Two people and they're wearing rope necklaces!
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
What do astronauts 👩🚀 do when they’re on break?
They eat launch. 🚀🥪
Why do they call them apartments when they are together?
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.