They're jokes
Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?
A: Because they're retired!
Stop making moo jokes, they're so annoying!
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
Why can't cheetahs play any games?
Because they're cheetahs!
Short people tend to get angry easily...
'Cause they're so close to the ground, their anger doesn't dissipate easily...
Girl: Can we visit Grandma this weekend?
Mother: Sure.
Five-year-old: Look mommy! Two people and they're wearing rope necklaces!
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
What do astronauts 👩🚀 do when they’re on break?
They eat launch. 🚀🥪
Why do they call them apartments when they are together?
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
What do bubbles get when they’re sick?
The suds.
If people who live in Canada are Canadians, I mean if they drink Fanta, they’re fantastic.
Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?
When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.
How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Three copycats on a boat, one jumps off. How many are left? Zero, because they're copycats!
Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”