They jokes
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her? They are both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me."
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay people can play Star Wars.
What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?
They sync properly.
Why are cows such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.
I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Why do Nazis not wear necklaces, rings, and bracelets? Because they hate jewelry.
I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
Why can't an orphan go on a field trip? They don't have a parent's signature.
What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.
Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.
Sonic says: "If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
Why can't orphans watch "The Simpsons"?
Because they don't know who's Homer.