What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
They Jokes
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"
Person 2: "In Japan."
Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale?
Because they already lost 2 towers.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marrahwanah.
Jack got high, slapped her thigh, and then they had some fun.
Jill forgot to take her pills, and now they have a son.
Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.
Orphans only have 363 days because they don't have Mother's or Father's Day.
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
