They jokes

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.

The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.

The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.

The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

What are the similarities between a 14-year-old pregnant girl and her unborn fetus?

They are both thinking, "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me."

I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.

Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.

I called a suicidal hotline in Iraq and they asked me if I could drive a truck.

What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.

Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.

Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"

Why does an orphan love to go to church?

Because they have someone to call father.

They say Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn't cry.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got excited and asked if I could drive a plane.

What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?

They both lay pipes in public parks.

Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.

They say they found water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.

Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?

Because they can’t see their parents.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?

Because they always come out clean.

What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?

They are all insane comebacks!!!

In Boston we say,

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".