They jokes

What do depressed people use for emotions online?

They use EMOjis.

Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

What do lesbians do while having their period?

They finger paint.

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.

The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.

The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.

The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

I called a suicidal hotline in Iraq and they asked me if I could drive a truck.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.

What are the similarities between a 14-year-old pregnant girl and her unborn fetus?

They are both thinking, "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me."

What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.

Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.

Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"

Why does an orphan love to go to church?

Because they have someone to call father.

They say Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn't cry.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got excited and asked if I could drive a plane.

What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?

They both lay pipes in public parks.

Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.

They say they found water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.

Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.

The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.

In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!

In Boston we say,

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣

Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?

Because they can’t see their parents.