They jokes

I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.

I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.

The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"

The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."

I called a suicidal hotline in Iraq and they asked me if I could drive a truck.

What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?

There is no difference.

They both got split open by a huge log.

They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.

Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.

Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?

They say he had locomotives.

What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.

Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.

A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"

The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.

The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"

"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."

This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.

Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey.

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

Why don't midgets use tampons?

Answer: They are always tripping over the string.