They jokes

A programmer and his wife.

She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."

After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.

The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"

He replies, "They had eggs."

What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?

They both died with red rings.

What do computers and white kids have in common? They don't have trouble shooting.

A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."

If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.

Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.

I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.

I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.

The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.

Why do orphans bully people?

Because they can't get suspended.

Contact Parent _______

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"

The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."

What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?

There is no difference.

They both got split open by a huge log.

They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.