They jokes
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.
Why do orphans play Sims?
Because they can make themselves a family.
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.
"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.
"Indeed, they are," he was told.
"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"
They knew what they were doing
What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.
The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.
The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
Why do orphans bully people?
Because they can't get suspended.
Contact Parent _______
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.
So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.