I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
They Jokes
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because they looked like me?
Sans: ... Sure.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?
They say he had locomotives.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
