They jokes

What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?

Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?

A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!

Why are dolphins so smart?

Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!

What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?

They both look good hanging from a tree.

If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.

Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?

I hate likebeggars. They are just writing some stupid "like if" shit just to get attention. I mean, that's so lazy, so unoriginal, and stupid.

Anyways, can this get 100 likes, please?

Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.

I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.

I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.

... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.

What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?

"They see me rolling, they hatin'."

Why do orphans want to be communist?

So they would have a motherland.

Why can't Asians play baseball? Because they will eat the bat.

Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.

Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.

They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.

They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.

I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.