They jokes
What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
I hate likebeggars. They are just writing some stupid "like if" shit just to get attention. I mean, that's so lazy, so unoriginal, and stupid.
Anyways, can this get 100 likes, please?
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.
I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because they looked like me?
Sans: ... Sure.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
What do computers and white kids have in common? They don't have trouble shooting.
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.