They jokes

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.

What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?

They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

Why don’t mountains catch colds?

They wear snow caps.

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.

Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.

What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

Why do priests appreciate educated children?

They don't spit.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

They can never make it home.

I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill’s thigh and said, “You know you wanna.” Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?

They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.