They jokes
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
Pennywise: "They all float down here!"
Titanic: *hold my beer*
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.
So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.
Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They can never make it home.
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked if she wanna. Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and they had a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill, now they have a son.
I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.