They jokes
What do astronauts 👩🚀 do when they’re on break?
They eat launch. 🚀🥪
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"
They replied, "I don’t know."
I said, "Fsh."
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?
A: Because they are humerus.
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
"Don't break a person's heart, they only have one."
"Yeah, break their bones instead... they have over 200 of those :)"
So, unfortunately, I got kicked out of the library again because, for some reason, they say that books on women's rights don't go in the fantasy section.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but they were pissed as all they got was plane.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.
What’s the difference between a kid with cancer and a dark humor joke?
They never get old.
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
Life has ups and downs, and they had downs.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they cannot find home.
How do Asians name their babies?
They throw pots and pans around.
"Ching, Chang, Clang!"
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.