They jokes
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Because they worship cows.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
Why didn't the Twin Towers order cheese pizza?
They like pepperoni, not plane!
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
Why do orphans only have 362 days of the year?
... bc they don’t have Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or Thanksgiving.
Why don't churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can’t find home.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."
Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Why are dogs born with balls?
They were having their stick moment when they got given birth, too.
What did the bowler say when the balls were on the lane and the pin? They said, "Strike!" 😂😂😂😂
Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
Why are they called "breaking news" in the entire world?
Because they are breaking the whole entire news.
Why don’t pedophiles win races?
They like to come in a little behind.
When the C.I.A. raided Osama Bin Laden’s house, they found Steam on his computer. This means he was a gamer. He raged a little too hard and went for New York.
Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
Why can’t orphans watch Netflix?
Because they don't know what age rate they are...
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.