They jokes
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home base to run to.
Symptoms of Schizophrenia.
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
Why do white people carry Confederate flags?
To remind us that they are losers.
Q: What do Olympians make bad DJs?
A: They keep breaking records!
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
What do Lindsay Clancy and Jane Doe have in common?
Neither could walk after what they did.
Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.
Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.
But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
Why are Americans so bad at chess?
They lost 2 towers.
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
Why don't sharks eat n****rs? They think it's whale shit.
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
If trees could kill you, they wood.