They jokes
Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?
Because they are good at fingering A minor.
Why do orphans not build houses in Minecraft? Because they want it to be realistic.
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.
But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
The Twin Towers ordered two pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plane.
Some people put zodiacs on everything.
They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.
Why can't orphans be gay?
'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."
At 9/11, the people in the Twin Towers ordered pizza. They asked for pepperoni, but instead got plane.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
Man, I love telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
Do depressed people hate swimming?
They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
They are hairy.
If an orphan has a nightmare, they should run to their parents. Oh wait!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home to run to.
What do Americans and Rubik's Cubes have in common?
They both have a history of separating colors.