They jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They never hit home.
I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
Why can’t orphans play sports?
Because they don’t have a home team.
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
Why do leaves change color in the fall?
Because they want to leaf their old color.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car.
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.
Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
Why can Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
Donald Trump and Fanta both have some things in common.
They are both orange and were conceived from Nazis!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock.
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
I find all these obese jokes horrible.
Don't you think they have enough on their plate?