They jokes
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin' B. Anthony!
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.
Dark humor jokes are like kids with cancer.
They never get old.
Why do men have penises?
They gotta shut women up somehow.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
Yo momma decided to go to KFC until she realized she had to share with her family, so she bought ten buckets and the cashier said, "Here is the receipt." Now yo momma got afraid of how much money she had to spend, despiting on how she spent more than Drake's net worth that he can even lend. She went back home seeing her family looking at her and the KFC, thinking that could be her rent, but the whole family dug into the food. By the second they see the plates empty and seeing the lazy mom steady, she ate so much she wasn't ready until she fell, which caused an earthquake, which made her go to jail, which caused her to be scary.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?
Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."
What do Hitler and Trump have in common? They both do hand gestures.
Why were the Twin Towers annoyed?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plain.
It’s me back at it again.
The earth was flat till they buried yo mama!!!
Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person: Christopher Walken.