They Jokes

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!

Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.

What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?

They hit their nose on the wall.

Yo momma decided to go to KFC until she realized she had to share with her family, so she bought ten buckets and the cashier said, "Here is the receipt." Now yo momma got afraid of how much money she had to spend, despiting on how she spent more than Drake's net worth that he can even lend. She went back home seeing her family looking at her and the KFC, thinking that could be her rent, but the whole family dug into the food. By the second they see the plates empty and seeing the lazy mom steady, she ate so much she wasn't ready until she fell, which caused an earthquake, which made her go to jail, which caused her to be scary.

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?

Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."

What do Hitler and Trump have in common? They both do hand gestures.

Why were the Twin Towers annoyed?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plain.

It’s me back at it again.

The earth was flat till they buried yo mama!!!

Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person: Christopher Walken.

Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.

We should not stop orphan jokes. They're funny as fuck.

Who is Joe?

You reply back: Who is Candice?

They reply back: Who is Candice?

You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

Answer: 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.

They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).

Why do orphans always get picked on?

They can't run and tell their parents.

What do skeletons say before they eat?

Bone appétit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”