They jokes
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
Why do orphans play GTA5 so much?
So they could be wanted.
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!
I only trust people that like big butts... they cannot lie.
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.
After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can’t find home.
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
Why can’t you give an orphan homework?
Because they don’t have a home to do it in.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
What do ants and Michael Jackson have in common? They go in kids' pants.
I don’t make 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.