They jokes
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
this for all the creeps
Yo momma decided to go to KFC until she realized she had to share with her family, so she bought ten buckets and the cashier said, "Here is the receipt." Now yo momma got afraid of how much money she had to spend, despiting on how she spent more than Drake's net worth that he can even lend. She went back home seeing her family looking at her and the KFC, thinking that could be her rent, but the whole family dug into the food. By the second they see the plates empty and seeing the lazy mom steady, she ate so much she wasn't ready until she fell, which caused an earthquake, which made her go to jail, which caused her to be scary.
Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
Why can the orphan only go to restaurants?
Because they can't have homemade meals.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims because they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds. 😂
What do women and Nvidia have in common?
They both do not make very good drivers.
Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can’t find home.
What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.