They jokes

What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.

What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.

The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.

For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.

What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?

They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.

Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?

He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.

How do they execute paraplegics?

With the electric wheelchair.

Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?

Because they ate all the bats!

What do ants and Michael Jackson have in common? They go in kids' pants.

If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.

Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.

Why are so many people mean to orphans?

They can’t cry to their parents.

I don’t make 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.

What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?

They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"

When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.

Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.

The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.

Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.

After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."

Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.

Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"

Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?

Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.

Why can’t orphans be gay? Because they have no closet to come out of.

I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.