They jokes
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
They found out that Michael Jackson was transgender, he went from he/him to hee-hee.
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.
Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.
What do ants and Michael Jackson have in common? They go in kids' pants.
Why are so many people mean to orphans?
They can’t cry to their parents.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
I don’t make 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.