They jokes
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was flaming hot wings.
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.
Why can’t English people play chess? They ain't got no queen.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They ain't got no home to run to.
What does a sprinter eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast!
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
Why do orphans suck at web design?
They don’t know what a home page is.
On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.
I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!
I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
What do an Apple and an Emo have in common?
They hang from trees.
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.