New They Jokes - Page 44 - Worst Jokes Ever

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."

Why is America bad at playing Clash of Clans?

Because they already lost two towers.

Once I got one so big, they were going to make 9/11 2.0!

Why do orphans like to play tennis?

Because that’s the only love they will get.

What animal can jump the highest?

Emo kids because once they go up they never come back.

I went to the grocery and they said I did something wrong, but I thought they were talking about a food, so I said, "Wrong yummy!"

Q: Why can’t orphans be criminals?

A: They are not wanted.

Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight

Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.

How do Asian parents name their baby?

They drop a pot down a flight of stairs.

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.

Why can’t orphans be married?

Because they won’t have their parents' blessings.

Why do orphans rob banks?

Because they want to be wanted.

What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.

Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.

Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.

Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.