They jokes

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

One twin tower had a girlfriend. The other twin tower had the same girlfriend, so they both went down.

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

BREAKING NEWS

All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.

The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

There were four people who went to land... only three returned... Why?

They left someone for memories!