Why do emos suck at playing tic-tac-toe on their wrists?
Because when they win, they lose.
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar.
They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements.
The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.”
The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.”
The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”
Why are Indian people bad at Monopoly?
Because whenever they hit the corner, they build a shop.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?
"Orange is the new black."
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
Why don't Indians play baseball?
Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
One twin tower had a girlfriend. The other twin tower had the same girlfriend, so they both went down.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
What is an orphan's least favorite store?
Family Dollar, they just can’t seem to find one.
What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.
What can jump higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"
BREAKING NEWS
All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.
The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.
