When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
What do Germans do to ask a question? They salute.
Why are women in love with plastic because they had a plastic "galflalflflfalfl?"
I hope there are no women on here because they just aren't that funny.
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common?
They both like oil.
Your mom's so fat, when she entered a fat contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.
They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.
Yo mama is so fat, when she wore yellow, the kids thought they missed the bus.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?
His head and shoulders.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don't like fast food.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can never do a home run.
Why can't Asians do word searches?
They can't see the words.
Why were the Twin Towers disappointed?
They asked for a pepperoni pizza and all they got was a plane.
Why can't Americans play chess?
They lost two towers.
