Thereness jokes

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

UR MUM!

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?

There used to be two, but now it's a touchy subject.

There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?

He's Dahmer's son @domink.

Where do orphans get their stuff from?

The reject shop.

There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!

Do orphans eat cereal with water?

Their dad did not come back with the milk.

Why can't America play chess?

There are missing two towers.

What should orphans do when their parents aren’t there? The usual.

The F in "I'm orphan" stands for family.

But there is no F.

You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.

Your mama's so fat that when she went to space, there was no space left.

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.

Stephen Hawking said there is no god.

God said there is no Stephen Hawking.

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

Why do potatoes make good detectives?

Because they keep their eyes peeled!

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interrupting cow wh-" "MOO!"