Thereness jokes
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.
One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"
The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
Your forehead is so big we could fit the whole alphabet on there.
Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
Me: I just shot an orphan.
Mate: You can’t do that!
Me: What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
There is a country in Africa. It's called Djibouti. It has a crack in it!
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
Why don't orphans play tag?
Because there's no one to catch.
Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
Why was there a, ummmmm, a cow?
.......... To moo.
What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? Family, but there's no "f".
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Rape
Rape who?
I go rape you!
Hahaahahahaha Please comment: Bad or good!
I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"
She said, "Yes."
"Knock knock."
I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs.
There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
Why do orphans use water for their cereal?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.