Thereness jokes
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.
Knock knock... Who's there? Surprise! Surprise who? Surprise, mother fucker!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is in the way.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's just a joke!
Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.
So I sold them.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!
There is no joke.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Shhhhhhhhhh.
Shhhhhhhhhh who?
Shhhhhhhhhhampoo!
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?
Because there were no more planes.
A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”
The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”
There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
I went to Pen Island for vacation this summer. There were a lot of bones.