Thereness jokes
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
Yo mama's so fat, there's not enough yo mama's so fat jokes to tell how fat she is.
Hang in there, ya emo bastards! Remember, you could always be dead. Oh, too soon?
No wonder they wanna die so much. I'd wanna die too if I was a freak who listens to Black Veil Brides!
Anybody got a knife? I mean, an emo dildo?
Why do Japanese people hate iPhones? Because they're scared that American airdrops will fall on them.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Old lady.
Old lady who?
I did not know you could yodel!
Why did the wheel fall?
Because there were too many fat people on it.
So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"
Get it? "Horse-ing."
Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!
Two mates walk into a bar.
Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"
Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."
Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"
Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."
Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."
How could the German people fall for Hitler and the Nazis?
There were an awful lot of red flags!
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
He didn’t, there was no lift...!
I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
I don't know?!?
I love my family when they're buried alive.
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"John."
"John who?"
John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively worse.
There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?
There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma bum crack!