Thereness jokes
How to kick a deaf person off the plane:
Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.
Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.
Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
Why are there only 363 days for orphans?
Because they don't have Mothers' and Fathers' Day.
A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."
By the way, why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings, but they never answer that door.
Enjoy!
There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.
Knock knock. Who's there? Dees. Dees who? Dees nuts!
(Or dees nuts in yo mouth!)
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.
2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!
3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.
4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.
5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow don't go who, they go moo!
Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned year?
Because they don’t have a father's or Mother’s Day.
There is only one reason why I find women useful.
That is because they make sandwiches, but that is about it.
Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.
A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."
There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.
We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.