Thereness jokes
There's a plane crash. Every single person died.
Who lived? The married people!
What do sheep hate?
Their enemies: goats!
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Their dad didn't come back with the milk.
What’s the difference between milk and the air?
At least the air will always be there for me.
Why couldn’t the orphan play Xbox? Because there was no home button.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Uriah. Uriah who? Keep Uriah on the ball, Laquon Treadwell!
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?
There is no home button.
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents!
Once I went to watch a match in Portugal. It was between Penaldo and his kids. The referee was Georgiana (his wife). Mpaypal and Igayspeed were also there. The match began, and his kids scored two goals in the first 10 minutes. Then, when the match was about to end, Penaldo got angry and asked his wife for penalties. His wife declined, and he tortured and beat her up and took 10 penalties (missed 7 of them) but won 3-2. Shame on you, Penaldo! 😡😡😡
I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt, quack!
There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.
Knock knock. Who is there? Poo. Poo who? Hey, I need ta go poooooooooooop!
Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?
Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?
Friend 1: Nope, guess again!
Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...
Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D
Texas is such a shitty state. There’s a reason it only has one star.
There were 3 guys in detention called Zip, Willy, and Pee, and they were all being naughty. The teacher came in and said, "Zip down, Willy out, Pee in the corner."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Son: Dad, what's dark humor?
Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?
Son: No, I'm blind.