Thereness jokes
How to cure boredom:
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
In Saudi Arabia, there lived a man named Abdul.
Abdul rhymes with Azul, the Spanish word for blue.
And he probably be lookin' more blue than me.
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
Why are Americans so good at solving Rubik's Cubes?
Because they're good at separating colors.
Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?
'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.
What an upside to being an orphan!
There's things called family-size bags.
Kids in wheelchairs can't stand up for themselves if there's a bully.
There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
What is the difference between a leaf falling from a tree and an emo falling from a tree?
The leaf falls to the ground, the emo just hangs there.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A dragon.
A dragon who?
The dragon gonna drag its balls across your face.
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
Chrome turns you into chrome, but there is a chrome back bling, and it does nothing to you.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
Yo mama so fat, she meets every world leader there is!
lmao