Thereness jokes

Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.

Why is it so easy to weigh fish?

They have their own scales.

A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."

The officer said, "There is no traffic."

The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"

Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.

Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?

So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.

Why do orphans go to the market?

To get the milk their parents didn't bring back.

Do you know what the "f" in "orphan" stands for? Family. Oh wait, there is no "f."

I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.

Knock, knock.

Who is there?

Deez.

Deez who?

Deez nuts!

If you kick an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents on you?

What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?

Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.

I don't understand why the Twin Towers were super upset.

Their pizza just got there a lot faster by plane.

What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?

It's a motherfucking shitshow party!

Knock knock.

You: Who's there?

Urmom.

I was thinking of starting up a stair company, but there were too many steps to it.

I would invite you to play baseball, but there's no home for you to run to.

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Chicken.

Chicken who?

Are you chicken me????!!!!

Q: Why is it good being an orphan?

A: Because the family sized bag is all there's.