Thereness jokes
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Smell mop.
Smell mop who?
There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.
One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.
Have you ever wondered why orphans hate milk?
'Cause their dad never came back with it.
Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:
Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.
Her: Really? What?
Me: Sweet-in-low.
Her: Why?
Me: Because you're artificial.
Why can’t balls move? Because no one is there to voice them around.
I was thinking of starting up a stair company, but there were too many steps to it.
Why are ninjas' farts so dangerous? Because they're silent and deadly.
A: Knock knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Package from Ted Kaczynski.
B: Package from Te-?
A: BOOM!
Little Mickel was on a tree.
He fell down and hurt his knee.
He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.
There’s a one-story house in which everything is yellow. Yellow walls, yellow doors, yellow furniture. What color are the stairs?
Answer: There aren’t any—it’s a one-story house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I did app.
I did app who?
You did a poo.
Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?
A: Because when you're there, you're family.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Why didn’t the Twin Towers like their pizza?
Cause it was plain.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ididap!
Ididapoo!!
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.
Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mother!
Mother who?
It's your mother.
If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.