Thereness jokes
DON’T READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED SETTLERS OF CATAN!
“Wheat is going on?” I asked my godmother. She replied “Godson, I really don’t know, but could you please get me some m-ore Shloer?”
“Ok, I’ll sheep if there’s any in the fridge!”
What’s the difference between masturbation and brain damage?
After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
Why did the white girl come back from Africa?
Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
(Just a joke, no offense.)
How do Asian parents name their baby?
They drop a pot down a flight of stairs.
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew, and a Black man on top of the Empire State Building.
First, the Mexican and the Jew throw themselves off of the building saying, "This is for my people!"
Then the Black man is next up to jump and says, "This is for my people!"
And throws the White man off of the building.
Reminder: Check the fridge, but remember nothing's in there.
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?
Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!
What's the difference between you and a Barbie? There is no difference. Both of your faces are fake.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
911.
911 who?
You said you would never forget.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like your's belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you.
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.