Thereness jokes
Why does the orphan not buy milk?
That's what their parents are doing.
What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.
Dad: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Dad: Because you’re going to need them there.
My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they gonna tell their parents?
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Clearly not their parents."
Why did the orphan misbehave in school?
Because the principal couldn't call their parents.
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
Why do orphans dip their cookies in water?
Because their dad never came back with milk. Ohhhhhhhh!
Maybe we should stop talking about orphans, their parents will get ma... oh wait.
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.
It worked really well in my local hospital.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
McDonald's called back and they said they want their logo back.
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?
"There's a great singer inside of you."