Thereness jokes
Have you heard of the restaurant Karma?
There is no menu because you only get what you deserve.
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
What's the good thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's twenty of them!
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.
"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.
"What is it?" The doctor asks.
"I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.
". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
One hot day a cow wanted some shade.
He found a tree and started resting under it, but there was a chicken bothering him. The cow exclaimed, "Moooove!" The chicken didn't move. Again, "Moooove!" and still the chicken wouldn't move. The cow yelled, "MOOOOOVE!" The chicken turned around and said, "FUCKOFF."
Two old Indian ladies out picking potatoes, one lady stops, staring at this huge potato, turning it round and round.
The other old lady says to her, "What are you doing?" She says, "These potatoes remind me of my husband's nuts."
She says, "Oh my, are they really that big?" She said, "No, they're that dirty. lololol"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Me: Knock knock.
Some dude on the street: Who's there?
Me: Whowhowho.
Dude: Whowhowho who?
Whowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowho.
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
What’s the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
What’s the difference between women and condoms?
There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right now.
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?
Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.
Tyler: I thought you never asked.
There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.