Thereness jokes
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Me: Knock knock.
Some dude on the street: Who's there?
Me: Whowhowho.
Dude: Whowhowho who?
Whowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowho.
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
What’s the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
What’s the difference between women and condoms?
There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right now.
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?
Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.
Tyler: I thought you never asked.
There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.
There are 3 things wrong with this world.
1. Spelling
2. Maths.
We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Aarghraawa."
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What's the best thing about f*cking twenty-eight-year-olds?
There's twenty of them.
There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.