Thereness jokes
Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?
So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lemon.
Haha! Hahahah! Hahahaah!
There was a guy called John.
If there was a zombie apocalypse, girls would make a "forehead apocalypse" since it is so big.
One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:
"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"
"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."
"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"
"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"
"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"
A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."
You should go back into the abortion bucket. Maybe you'll find half a brain in there.
Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?
Because they won't be there to stick around.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Boo.
"Boo who?"
It's just a joke, no need to cry!
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Deez.
Deez who?
Deez nuts!
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.
Do you like CDs?
There's this really cool one called "C Deez Nuts."
Why can't orphans buy chips?
Because they're family sized!
I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.
How do parents punish their blind kid? They move the bed.