Thereness jokes
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.
Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.
Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.
This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!
Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
What's the best thing about having sex with 28 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?
They're the same thing.
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light!" she blocked the sun. Now we call her the moon.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
A boy named Jimmy was riding to Hell to save his brothers and sister. That is the last place he pissed. There came across the Devil.
Part 1
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why don’t she stand up for herself?
New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.
Student: Stands up.
Teacher: Why did you stand up?
Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
Bullying orphans is like bullying the homeless kid; both cry when you make fun of their parents.
Me: I asked an orphan where his parents were. I also said that I promised to take him to them.
Orphan: They're dead.
Me: A promise made is a promise kept.
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.
Sex is like math.
Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.